My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
