I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
