pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize