Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
