I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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