its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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