How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
