there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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