let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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