went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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