question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
