Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
