Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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