i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
