I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
