I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
