so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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