I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
