What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
