chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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