There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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