I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
