I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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