dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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