and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
