If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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