I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
