I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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