once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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