Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
