just tell him i said nine months
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
