grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
