true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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