Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
