you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
