I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
