i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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