dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
