i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
