I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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