What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
