So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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