thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
