I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
