i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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