found the other keg... it's in the tree
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
