Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
