Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
