I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
