I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
