True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
