i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
