By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
