Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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