everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
