So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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