butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
