Your mouth is God's brothel.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
