Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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