best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
