Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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