dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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