She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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