guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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