I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
