Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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