I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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