Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize