sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
