You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
