Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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