i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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