how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
