It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
