he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hippo gnu deer
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize