Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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