Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
