i need an iv and a liver transplant
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
