Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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