i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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