So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
