It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
