Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(805): View more from California

I just tipped a bartender in xanax.

Fav 16 3510 809
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

Fav 22 4153 975
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(315): View more from New York

It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities

Fav 11 5435 1836
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(620): View more from Kansas

I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.

Fav 12 6403 1281
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(216): View more from Ohio

Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping

Fav 9 1133 4006
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.

Fav 9 3548 1384
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(604): View more from British Columbia

There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.

Fav 7 2971 1493
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(605): View more from South Dakota

He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.

Fav 4 422 680
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(618): View more from Illinois

I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one

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