i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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