you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
