One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
