so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
