she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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