..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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