at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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