first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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