Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the day after is always just damage control
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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