it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
