My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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