i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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