I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
