Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
