Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
