I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
