all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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