My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
