hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
