she woke up with a sticky ear
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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