my phone needs a breathalizer
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
