Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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