My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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