I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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