i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
